War Already Lost

The Civil Unions Act brought a strong reaction from Christians. However, as usual, we were joining the battle, after the decisive action has finished and the war was almost lost. Legal marriage in New Zealand ceased being a Christian institution long ago.

• Industrialisation and urbanisation fragmented communities, destroying the environment where families had flourished. The extended family that supported marriage has now been replaced by the nuclear family standing alone.

• Modern television struck another blow by changing the way we understand marriage.

  Love is finding someone to make me happy.

  Living together is natural.

  Adultery is okay, if that is where love leads.

  Wives are partners.

• The Family Proceedings Act 1980 simplified divorce and removed most of its social stigma. Divorce and re-marriage soon became and widespread and is acceptable even among Christians.

• Modern social welfare weakened marriage by undermining the family’s role as provider. Families are no longer required to educate children, care for the sick, provide for elderly parents or support each other through emergencies.

• The Property Relationships Act 2002 gave de facto couples the same property rights as married people.

The result of all these changes is that a legal marriage in New Zealand differs very little from a de facto relationship.

Christians were really stirred up to fight against civil unions, but we were fighting the wrong battle. By defending marriage as it is currently defined in the New Zealand law, we were fighting for a shallow imitation of Christian marriage. Instead of fighting another losing battle, we would have been wiser to look for a battle we can win.

The State should not control Marriage

The reason that the church has been powerless to stop the decline of marriage in New Zealand is that we have allowed the state to define and control it. This was a serious tactical mistake. Once the state controlled marriage, the battle for Christian marriage was lost.

The family existed before the state, so the state did not establish marriage. God established marriage and gave it as a gift to the world. Since marriage is an institution established by God, it should be based on God’s word and not on government policy. The state cannot change something that God has established, so Christians should not allow the state to define marriage for them. God has already defined marriage and the state cannot change God’s word.

A marriage is something that only God can create. A marriage occurs when a man and a woman promise before God to love each other with an unconditional love. God responds to this commitment by making the two people one. Their sexual relationship is a consummation of God joining them together. This why the marriage service the man and woman being "joined by God". The state cannot marry people, because it cannot join people together as one.

The state and the family are separate spheres in God’s order. They are both accountable to God, so neither should control the other. The state has authority to punish crime, but it does not have authority to define and establish marriage. By asking government to legislate Christian marriage, we have exalted it to a place it does not belong. That state should keep its hands off marriage.

State Recognition

The state is the god of the modern world. Therefore, we should not be surprised if the state attempts to mimic God by establishing civil unions that imitate marriage. However, the state cannot join people together or impart the blessing of God, so a civil union will always be inferior to marriage.

We should not be surprised that people who treat the state as god want their relationships "recognised" and blessed by the state. Who they worship is their business; and it does not change God’s standard. However, they should understand that recognition by the state is not the same as the blessing of God.

Lets Take Marriage Back

The slide from Christian marriage to civil union has been impossible to stop, because marriage in New Zealand is defined by government legislation and not by God’s standards. Rather than pleading with Parliament to change marriage law to match Christian marriage, a wiser tactic would be to encourage the state to get out of the marriage business altogether. The current government is now more interested in civil unions than marriage, so this could be a good time for Christians to take marriage back.

Marriage is a covenant between two people, based on the standards of God. It can function without government legislation. The truth is that marriage law has very little to do with the quality of a marriage. Most people who marry have never read the Marriage Act. The reason is that marriage is a relationship and not a legal entity. The law is only relevant when a marriage breaks down.

Instead of looking to the state to legislate marriage, Churches should develop marriage contracts or covenants that reflect the word of God. If necessary we should change the name to "covenant marriage" so that we are clear that it is a Christian institution and not a creation of the state.

This new marriage covenant should clearly define the rights and responsibilities of husbands and wives according to God’s word (1 Cor 7; Eph 5:22-33). It should also define the responsibilities of parents towards children. The impact on property rights should also be specified. The new contract should also specify the conditions for divorce and provide a dispute resolution process using Christian elders.

Voluntary

Christian marriage should always be a free choice. We should not force Christian marriage on those who are not Christians. Many will see God blessing on marriage and freely choose it because they want the benefits. That is fine if their choice is free, but people should not be forced into Christian marriage, if they do not want it. God does not want us to force biblical marriage onto unwilling people. Rather than attempting to make Christian Marriage the legal standard, Christians should demonstrate its benefits so people will choose it freely.

God wants people to love and serve him freely. He never forces people to obey him. This means that the law should never be used to force Christian behaviour on those who do not love him. The Church should never use the power of the state to force people to do the right thing. The law cannot make people good. The best the law can do is to limit disorder in society by punishing theft and violence. Trying to make it do more than that harms the gospel.

Christians would be unwise to pressure the state into legislating Christian marriage in New Zealand. It would be a mistake, as it exalts the state to a place it does not belong. Rather we should demanding that the state get out of marriage, because it has no authority over and institution that was created and defined by God.

Bad Press

Some people will see God’s blessing in marriage and want to share in that blessing. However, many other couples will choose a civil union rather than marriage, because they think marriage is too hard. If they do not believe in God, that may be more honest. Many others will be afraid to make the lifetime commitment marriage requires.